self-destructivity

Somehow I have less blogging time now that I'm done school for the summer. I think having a job makes my spirit die a little bit. Especially one where I don't know what I'm doing. I almost forgot what it's like to go to work and have no sense of how to do what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm the worst person for asking for help, or admitting to mistakes, or saying I don't know how to do something. I need to find a job I love, and then stick with it forever so I don't have to go through this regularly.

I've also been thinking how truly abnormal I am in that I look for reasons to be upset or anxious. I've been looking around me and everyone seems to take care of themselves in the self-satisfying, self-soothing department. People avoid being upset or anxious at all costs, and are generally really good at it. I'm surrounded by things I love to do, but most of the time sabotage any possibility of being happy, simply because that's what I do best.

I'm the least evolutionarily successful person ever. My endless list of weird medical symptoms is further proof, if it's needed.

Self-improvement is a bitch.