A new start

A friend and I were discussing the desire to maintain some type of journal or diary and how romantic a notion it is but how we've always failed at keeping up with it. Here's my attempt at trying again. Since I already have a blog I decided to use it but these entries are primarily for myself.

My husband and I are considering joining Weight Watchers, and we may drop by a location this evening after dinner. I'm excited about the prospect because I'd like to be as healthy as possible and especially want to be a good role model for my daughter, or children if we are lucky enough to have more than one.

If WW works for me it will probably be because I'm frugal and if I'm paying for something it better not be a waste of money!

Laughter is the best medicine

I'm having wine for dinner. Nothing else is really necessary.

I've never embedded YouTube videos in here before, but let's give it a go.




That was amazingly easy. Follow up MUST-SEE to the previous video:

Halloween anticipation

My discovery of the day was the plentiful selection of Halloween decorations at the dollar store. For four bucks, I have a light up pumpkin, two glow in the dark lawn bags, a frankenstein hanging dude, and a blow up ghost! I'm way too excited about Halloween seeing as it falls on a night I have to work and I don't think there's any way to get out of working aside from being sick.

I hate all my clothes they all suck. I want Banana Republic to be my new closet. I own two lovely skirts from BR, but they're a stupid size 10 and aren't anywhere close to fitting. They're summer skirts so that opportunity is past anyways.


See how Fing cute is that. I want it now.

no pictures just boring words

Today I found myself in quite a good mood. Things are generally going well, and I was content. A couple things go wrong, and I'm upset about it for hours. And I'm especially upset and resentful about how easily my good moods vanish and I don't seem to be able to control it.

Tonight I'm making strawberry rhubarb jam, something that reminds me vividly of Oma. She often made it while I was staying with her, and I loved the way it smelled. And just the atmosphere of jam-making day. I even put on the Austrian-style type of apron she'd wear whenever she was cooking, and I'm going to put on a bandana just like she did to keep my hair out of the jam. I'll attempt to comfort myself with nostalgia.

I have a big to-do list, which is nice but is also making me anxious. Ray and I have to plant our vegetable garden on the weekend. On Saturday we're going to the valley to have dinner with friends. My godchild and her parents are coming to the city this weekend, so I want to spend time with them. And I have to do more wedding planning but first get books and magazines from the library to find out how to do it.

Activities are good though, otherwise I'd be watching episodes of Battlestar Galactica back-to-back. I think I have an old-man crush on the commander. I love his no-nonsense demeanor.

self-destructivity

Somehow I have less blogging time now that I'm done school for the summer. I think having a job makes my spirit die a little bit. Especially one where I don't know what I'm doing. I almost forgot what it's like to go to work and have no sense of how to do what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm the worst person for asking for help, or admitting to mistakes, or saying I don't know how to do something. I need to find a job I love, and then stick with it forever so I don't have to go through this regularly.

I've also been thinking how truly abnormal I am in that I look for reasons to be upset or anxious. I've been looking around me and everyone seems to take care of themselves in the self-satisfying, self-soothing department. People avoid being upset or anxious at all costs, and are generally really good at it. I'm surrounded by things I love to do, but most of the time sabotage any possibility of being happy, simply because that's what I do best.

I'm the least evolutionarily successful person ever. My endless list of weird medical symptoms is further proof, if it's needed.

Self-improvement is a bitch.

Trueness

Today I finished a non-fiction book about Tibet. I can't remember the last time I read non-fiction for pleasure, I don't know what turned me off of it. I think it wasn't so much that I disliked non-fiction, so much as I just adored fiction. And typical me, I stuck to what I knew best and didn't try anything new. Books with lots of trueiness are my new favorite. Except that the next 8 or so books I have lined up are fiction, but, you know, that's a minor detail.

So, Tibet. The book's author did this terrific job of presenting info and allowing the reader to come to their own conclusion about the issue. I don't know that I have reached a conclusion yet though, and maybe never will. It's complicated. My friend and I were discussing climate change and Western economies, and how there really is no panacea. We're fucked, is the conclusion we came to. We decided that since the world is coming to an end and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it, we may as well start smoking again and quit school and our jobs and watch documentaries supporting our beliefs. It's a solid plan.