pour un ancien ami

I received my first official rejection letter a few days ago. It hurt lots. I've never gone to an interview and been rejected before. And it's supposed to make me stronger, but I feel like it just makes me more afraid.

I have a phone interview tomorrow for the "dream" [summer] job in Ottawa. I don't expect to get the job, but I'm sure I'll still be hurt when I receive the letter from them saying they don't want me either.

And then I have to wake up on Wednesday morning and go to another interview, for a job here in Halifax that I am actually moderately qualified for. So I'll be all the more upset if I don't get that one.

I'm working on this "carbon neutral" project, and I've realized despite the huge opportunities for making gobs of money and having job security in an area having anything to do with climate change/energy etc, I have no interest in going in that direction. I'd rather work in a musty old library surrounded by fiction, and pretend nothing's the matter. Or at least just not have anything to do with doing something about it. And if someone comes in looking for information about carbon neutrality, I'll scoff at them and hand them a copy of Wuthering Heights, and send them on their way.

Is it normal that I usually don't realize something was fun until after it's over? Usually several days, or sometimes even months, after I do something, I'll think back on the experience and realize it was actually really enjoyable, but at the time I didn't realize how much fun I was having. Is 'fun' mostly retrospective? Do we do things that are supposed to be fun, mainly so we can remember it later on as a time when we were happy? Is that why we take pictures of ourselves - so we can point at ourselves and say "look how much fun we were having that day" ?

And that concludes my philosophical thought of the day.