shoes full of feet

A new start

2009-11-03T11:19:00.003-04:00

A friend and I were discussing the desire to maintain some type of journal or diary and how romantic a notion it is but how we've always failed at keeping up with it. Here's my attempt at trying again. Since I already have a blog I decided to use it but these entries are primarily for myself.

My husband and I are considering joining Weight Watchers, and we may drop by a location this evening after dinner. I'm excited about the prospect because I'd like to be as healthy as possible and especially want to be a good role model for my daughter, or children if we are lucky enough to have more than one.

If WW works for me it will probably be because I'm frugal and if I'm paying for something it better not be a waste of money!

Laughter is the best medicine

2007-10-18T18:13:00.000-04:00

I'm having wine for dinner. Nothing else is really necessary.

I've never embedded YouTube videos in here before, but let's give it a go.

That was amazingly easy. Follow up MUST-SEE to the previous video:

Halloween anticipation

2007-10-15T16:11:00.000-04:00

My discovery of the day was the plentiful selection of Halloween decorations at the dollar store. For four bucks, I have a light up pumpkin, two glow in the dark lawn bags, a frankenstein hanging dude, and a blow up ghost! I'm way too excited about Halloween seeing as it falls on a night I have to work and I don't think there's any way to get out of working aside from being sick.

I hate all my clothes they all suck. I want Banana Republic to be my new closet. I own two lovely skirts from BR, but they're a stupid size 10 and aren't anywhere close to fitting. They're summer skirts so that opportunity is past anyways.

See how Fing cute is that. I want it now.

no pictures just boring words

2007-05-30T16:20:00.000-04:00

Today I found myself in quite a good mood. Things are generally going well, and I was content. A couple things go wrong, and I'm upset about it for hours. And I'm especially upset and resentful about how easily my good moods vanish and I don't seem to be able to control it.

Tonight I'm making strawberry rhubarb jam, something that reminds me vividly of Oma. She often made it while I was staying with her, and I loved the way it smelled. And just the atmosphere of jam-making day. I even put on the Austrian-style type of apron she'd wear whenever she was cooking, and I'm going to put on a bandana just like she did to keep my hair out of the jam. I'll attempt to comfort myself with nostalgia.

I have a big to-do list, which is nice but is also making me anxious. Ray and I have to plant our vegetable garden on the weekend. On Saturday we're going to the valley to have dinner with friends. My godchild and her parents are coming to the city this weekend, so I want to spend time with them. And I have to do more wedding planning but first get books and magazines from the library to find out how to do it.

Activities are good though, otherwise I'd be watching episodes of Battlestar Galactica back-to-back. I think I have an old-man crush on the commander. I love his no-nonsense demeanor.

self-destructivity

2007-05-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

Somehow I have less blogging time now that I'm done school for the summer. I think having a job makes my spirit die a little bit. Especially one where I don't know what I'm doing. I almost forgot what it's like to go to work and have no sense of how to do what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm the worst person for asking for help, or admitting to mistakes, or saying I don't know how to do something. I need to find a job I love, and then stick with it forever so I don't have to go through this regularly.

I've also been thinking how truly abnormal I am in that I look for reasons to be upset or anxious. I've been looking around me and everyone seems to take care of themselves in the self-satisfying, self-soothing department. People avoid being upset or anxious at all costs, and are generally really good at it. I'm surrounded by things I love to do, but most of the time sabotage any possibility of being happy, simply because that's what I do best.

I'm the least evolutionarily successful person ever. My endless list of weird medical symptoms is further proof, if it's needed.

Self-improvement is a bitch.

2007-04-21T15:19:00.000-04:00

Trueness

2007-04-09T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today I finished a non-fiction book about Tibet. I can't remember the last time I read non-fiction for pleasure, I don't know what turned me off of it. I think it wasn't so much that I disliked non-fiction, so much as I just adored fiction. And typical me, I stuck to what I knew best and didn't try anything new. Books with lots of trueiness are my new favorite. Except that the next 8 or so books I have lined up are fiction, but, you know, that's a minor detail.

So, Tibet. The book's author did this terrific job of presenting info and allowing the reader to come to their own conclusion about the issue. I don't know that I have reached a conclusion yet though, and maybe never will. It's complicated. My friend and I were discussing climate change and Western economies, and how there really is no panacea. We're fucked, is the conclusion we came to. We decided that since the world is coming to an end and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it, we may as well start smoking again and quit school and our jobs and watch documentaries supporting our beliefs. It's a solid plan.

Anniversary #2

2007-04-08T11:17:00.000-04:00

2007-04-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

better than before

2007-04-04T23:01:00.000-04:00

One more day and I will be done school for the summer. So many plans. First, become a better person, obviously. Part of that goal is selfish in that I want to read a whole bunch, and not just fiction, like I tend to gravitate towards, but perhaps some !non-fiction! as well. I'm reading a book about Tibet right now and I feel different already.

In the next 15 hours, 7 of which will be spent sleeping, I will have to finish a significant part of one paper, write intro and concluding remarks for another, and present to the dean and director of my school on a topic I know nothing about, using slides that are not yet done. It shall be an interesting 15 hours let me tell you. I might cry. I probably will cry.

what happened to early bedtime?

2007-03-25T23:14:00.000-04:00

overheard in hfx

2007-03-22T18:19:00.000-04:00

Two dudes who looked like first years in the library. Both thought they looked pretty cool, with their baggy pants and their hair gel.

First guy : "What are you doing today man?"
Second guy: "Oh I dunno, watch some Fresh Prince of Belair, man..."

walking around hfx for the first time in ages

2007-03-18T11:37:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I was going through customs in Toronto or Montreal, and on my form I wrote "Hfx" instead of "Halifax" and the guy was like "Where the fuck is this, stupidhead" even though the province was also on the form, and where else in ns could hfx be? If I was in botswana or something sure, I would have written out halifax, but central canada knows where halifax is, whether they want to or not.

ready set

2007-03-15T19:33:00.000-04:00

I'm finding it difficult to think about the future. To envision how things will be, how I want them to be, and how they should be. I try and fantasize about what my life will look like in two, five, or ten years, and there's so many iterations now. It's exciting, I guess, but also disorienting and frightening.

I'm curious how my sleep will be tonight. Maybe I'll experience another riveting night of sitting in a dark cold room reading blogs of people I don't know. There are some mighty pretty ones out there though. I sort of wish I'd taken the programming course I'd been registered for, if only to have learned how to make my blog pretty. The colors are hideous right now I know, but I'm just not interested in fixing them at the moment.

Go

2007-03-15T02:10:00.000-04:00

We were fighting, again. I discovered more secrets. We were here, at home, and mom came downstairs to see if she could help, and the dogs were around. I yelled at mom, basically telling her to go back upstairs. Some time later, I noticed mom was on the phone with someone upstairs, telling them how I respect their opinion and they're the best person to advise me. And would they please talk to me. I was at the kitchen sink and thought, fuck, it's 3 or 4 in the morning, and mom's calling someone for me to talk to. So she convinced them, and mom started coming downstairs saying she had someone to talk to me, and I clearly heard Oma's voice, in person, upstairs.

She looked a bit different. Like she was younger, or a bit heavier, something...There was no question that it was her. Her voice, I knew it immediately. The moment I heard her, I felt time was running out quickly. I don't know if I knew I was waking up at that point, but I was terrified I wouldn't have time to ask her what I should do. She started criticizing how I met you in the first place, and it's not that I didn't want to hear, but I had no time, and so I practically screamed, "What do I do now? Please tell me what to do" and she said "Go." I left, letting go of trying desperately not to wake up, and instantly regretted not telling her how much I love her and to thank her for coming to talk to me.

around and around

2007-03-14T19:53:00.000-04:00

Things change in an instant. Everything changes instantly. It doesn't seem right. One second, one conception of my life and future, the next second, it's shattered into a billion teeny tiny pieces. I'm on my hands and knees forever collecting as many pieces as I possibly can, because I need each one, and the pieces are razor sharp. And I'm using my bare hands. No matter how much they hurt, I search for more. I'm obsessed with finding more, because what else can I do. When I gather them all, I realize they can't be put back together. And that's sad.

Hold to reset

2007-03-11T21:54:00.000-04:00

I think I'm just now realizing that things are complicated. That I'm not, and won't ever, live in a fairy tale land where everything is black and white and no in between and people can have 'happily ever after'.

I thought maybe I'd just had a streak of bad luck. And all those things would make me stronger and wiser with time, and I'd look back and wish earlier me would've had more hope.

Streetlights go out when I go by. Is that a bad sign? Every time I've been out at night lately, driving or walking, it gets suddenly very dark. I for sure need to wear my glasses when I'm driving at night now, it's just not safe otherwise. Driving tonight was a generally fuzzydark experience, even without the streetlights going out. At one point I realized I was driving halfway over the yellow line, right in the middle of the road.

Oh, and out walking the dog I saw a figure walking towards me, but there was no one there and I thought at first Jack saw it too. I was so sure someone was there, and as I walked closer I was just trying to make out who it was. I thought it might be Ray but he walks on the street and it was walking on the side of the road.

I have a long, long way to go.

Inches

2007-03-05T22:30:00.000-04:00

I remember when I was five years old, I lived around the corner from school. Sometimes I would take the bus to school, because mom said I had to. The bus driver was this mean skinny man with grey sort of long hair who one day forgot to stop at my house and let me off. It was terrifying, because I had to try to walk up to the front of the bus without falling, and it was noisy with all the kids, and explain to the bus driver that he'd missed my stop.

Everytime I took the bus after that, I was terrified that he would forget my stop. I would have been much happier walking or biking home from school.

I think I'd be quite happy working as the only librarian in a little tiny town somewhere, and I wouldn't even own a car because I could walk everywhere in town. I'd be able to avoid confrontation at all costs, because I'd rarely speak with strangers.

MeSH

2007-03-01T20:47:00.000-04:00

So somehow, I've been offered an internship position at Dalhousie's medical library. When I was walking towards the building before my interview, I had this overwhelming sense of wanting to work there. Dad went to medical school in the same building, and the library hasn't moved or had major renovations since then, so I can imagine him being there. I lived across the street from the building and walked through the little courtyard several times a day during the first couple years of my undergrad. I remember sneaking out to sit and smoke at one of the picnic tables behind the building in high school. I think I even took a book over there to sit and read on a particularly nice summer day. So it should be great. As long as I'm not a terrible librarian.

pour un ancien ami

2007-02-26T21:26:00.000-04:00

I received my first official rejection letter a few days ago. It hurt lots. I've never gone to an interview and been rejected before. And it's supposed to make me stronger, but I feel like it just makes me more afraid.

I have a phone interview tomorrow for the "dream" [summer] job in Ottawa. I don't expect to get the job, but I'm sure I'll still be hurt when I receive the letter from them saying they don't want me either.

And then I have to wake up on Wednesday morning and go to another interview, for a job here in Halifax that I am actually moderately qualified for. So I'll be all the more upset if I don't get that one.

I'm working on this "carbon neutral" project, and I've realized despite the huge opportunities for making gobs of money and having job security in an area having anything to do with climate change/energy etc, I have no interest in going in that direction. I'd rather work in a musty old library surrounded by fiction, and pretend nothing's the matter. Or at least just not have anything to do with doing something about it. And if someone comes in looking for information about carbon neutrality, I'll scoff at them and hand them a copy of Wuthering Heights, and send them on their way.

Is it normal that I usually don't realize something was fun until after it's over? Usually several days, or sometimes even months, after I do something, I'll think back on the experience and realize it was actually really enjoyable, but at the time I didn't realize how much fun I was having. Is 'fun' mostly retrospective? Do we do things that are supposed to be fun, mainly so we can remember it later on as a time when we were happy? Is that why we take pictures of ourselves - so we can point at ourselves and say "look how much fun we were having that day" ?

And that concludes my philosophical thought of the day.

Trip

2007-02-24T23:57:00.000-04:00

Legend

2007-02-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

Since I passed in my last assignment, I've been having continuous mini panic attacks about getting a library related summer job, and about my career in general. It's fun. I mean I'd like to do something meaningful, but I don't want to spend 10 hours a day at it for the next 60 years. I'd like a bit more balance please. How do these people have time for everything? I guess they don't. They can't.

I've realized waiting for these interviews, and to hear about jobs, that I'm a very impatient person. I didn't think I was. People used to say I was quite patient because of how much I worked with children. It's a different kind of patience I guess. Working with children doesn't usually involve anxiety. Trying to get a good job does. So maybe I'm not a low anxiety person. Wait, I already knew that. Hence the panic attacks.

Reading week is too short

2007-02-17T12:52:00.000-04:00

2007-02-12T22:54:00.000-04:00

Three more school days left before Reading Week. Unfortunately, I have to write a paper tomorrow for a prof who marks ridiculously hard. Whenever I'm intimidated by a prof, I get all antsy about writing for him/her. And I think I ultimately don't write as well, because I'm so nervous about it. I think I'm almost ready to go out into the real world, where I won't be given grades on assignments. Almost.

I have several plans for Reading Week.
1. Buy Tomb Raider and play it until I get too frustrated
2. Read a lot
3. Watch movies

Aside from the Tomb Raider, Reading Week will really look no different from my regular activities. There just won't be any pretense of study of any sort.

2007-02-11T11:45:00.000-04:00

I'm too sick to write. Ray wants me to join Facebook.

2007-02-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

I have decided on a new relaxation/reflection technique. I enjoy smoking because I get to stand outside, think about whatever I want to, and watch what's going on. My new strategy is that in lieu of smoking, I will drink a mug of tea/coffee. This isn't entirely new, because I've tried it before but felt stupid standing outside with a mug watching people. But I think I need to overcome my sensitivity to what others may think of me.

I love that the garden by our door looks abandoned.

I want to go to Chapters to pick out all kinds of books to read, but I already have 6 on order from the library. I remember as a kid I used to have 3 or 4 books on the go at a time. I've been considering broadening my reading interests to biographies. I think I've always hesitated because I feel like I can't be sure of how true they are. Even if I'm reading an autobiography, some details won't be accurate. And I feel betrayed by this, because they're in the non-fiction section.

2007-02-02T22:33:00.000-04:00

Applications and resumes are silly.

I just want to walk into whatever place I feel like working in the summer, and start doing stuff.

I probably shouldn't have told anyone where I was applying, because now there's expectations that I will actually get one of the jobs. Ray's all excited (and I must admit, I am too) about the possibility of going to Ottawa for the summer.

I fully expect to work somewhere uninspiring and dull to complete my Practicum. But fuck, I still get my hopes up, and they will be crushed. And I will feel like a failure.

We are going to return movies now that are due back in an hour. Ray says it's hard for him to sing when I'm in the car. Which is probably a not-so-subtle hint that he wants to go alone. I feel like driving though, I haven't yet today. Maybe we'll get more movies. I really want to play Tomb Raider though, I wish they rented games. If there was a store open right now that sold games, I would go. And stay up all night playing it, ruining all hopes of doing anything productive tomorrow.

Cows are to blame for climate change. And so are vegetarians who aren't consuming their fair share of cow. I'm going to develop a pro-cow-eating movement to help combat climate change. With bumper stickers and t-shirts.

2007-02-01T09:09:00.000-04:00

It seems like every morning I can remember my dreams from the night before. I used to only remember them once in awhile. I guess that's a good thing.

So last night, I had a dream I was fighting with Eminem to win the People's Choice Award for best single. We'd apparently been rivals for a long time. And the fight consisted of us being in a huge swimming pool, and we were each trying to get to this podium beside the pool that had the award on it.

We both got there at the same time, and I let him grab it. And then he asked how my kids were, and I said "good," and asked him the same thing, and he said "fine."

Yesterday I walked past an ex-friends house, and started imagining a scenario where she would run out her door and across the street to talk to me for the first time in 8 years. She'd inexplicably stopped talking to me one day and no matter what I did, wouldn't even tell me why let alone patch things up. So in my little scenario that played out in my mind while I was walking to the law library, she asked me how I was, and what I was doing, and the silliness would finally be over.

2007-02-01T09:03:00.000-04:00

2007-01-27T23:21:00.000-04:00

I amend my previous statement about my secret life goal. In addition to reading all day as an editor and watering my plants, I also want to cook and bake in between the reading and the plant care. Combining raw ingredients and creating something much more tasty and impressive is cathartic somehow, particularly if it involves squishing stuff up with my bare hands.

I think tomorrow Ray and I are planning on making more of our new all-time favorite Roasted Yam and Garlic soup.

I swore when I brought my new computer home that I wouldn't bring food or drink within five feet of it, because of my incurable clumsiness. But every time I use it, I suddenly get extremely thirsty and need to sip an overly full glass right over the keyboard. Any day now I will spill something on it and hate myself. I really never learn.

Nothing Changes

2007-01-25T23:03:00.000-04:00

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to keep up with this silly blog of mine.

So much happens. I could make a long list of changes.

But, fundamentally, I'm the same. No matter how I try to improve myself. Because there's a lot to improve on. Why bother, if it doesn't work. I don't try hard enough? Probably.

I'd post some pretty pictures here for contrast, but I have a new computer and no pictures on it yet.

On a positive note, I am now, officially, an Editor. Well, maybe not officially since I'm not getting paid, and the publication is not for profit, but nonetheless. In a few years, I hope to work exclusively from home, editing manuscripts and drinking tea all day for a living. And watering my plants. Which are doing splendid by the way.

In the meantime, I'll pretend to go to library school to become a librarian.

....nothing for granted

2006-04-11T19:10:00.000-04:00

I'm grateful for things that seem little but are actually huge. Like being able to breathe. It's usually a given, I don't even think about it, and then it's taken away, and I realize how much I have to be thankful for and how spoiled I am most of the time.

Warmer weather is here and that means it's time to paint my walls crazyfun colors. Starting with the bedroom.

Happy happy first anniversary

2006-04-07T14:42:00.000-04:00

A year ago today I was getting ready to go to the airport to pick up my Raymond and bring him home.

Thankyou, my love, for the bestest ever year, ever.

"Nowness"

2006-03-13T20:25:00.000-04:00

A guy in this book I'm reading, came up with the idea of "nowness." I'm forever anticipating, and rarely fully appreciating what's going on in the present. I'll look forward to something, and imagine it, and then it's happening and I'm too busy thinking of what's next. Oprah has this journal, and at the end of each day she lists five things she's grateful for.

At work today a lady called and asked for Walter, and I said "may I ask who's calling" and the lady said "it's his dentist's office" and she was seemingly genuinely friendly, and I was, I think, friendly also and so I intercom-ed Walter and told him his dentist was on line 1.

I put my picture in a little box on my blog where it says who I am, and it's disappeared so now there's an empty box and I don't like it. I'm going to try to fix it.

Thoughts of summers

2006-03-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

When I have enough money, I'm going to buy a little cottage in the woods somewhere. No electricity, and far enough away from everything so I can't hear any construction, or cars, or people. And I can go there when I want quiet and I can read and take naps and have campfires, and when it gets dark, I'll go to sleep because there won't be enough light to do anything else.

Maybe I'll have enough money to buy back the cottage we had when I was a child. Or maybe it should be somewhere new without any memories and new ones can be made.

Car or TV please

2006-03-06T10:09:00.000-04:00

I've bought enough over the years to deserve to win something good. But so far I've gotten at least 5 cups and no prize. Not even a free coffee. I think they put all the prizes in the large coffee cups, so I'll just have to drink more coffee.

I've been unofficially accepted to library school. I guess I'm going to school this fall. I didn't apply for anything else, so my choices are to go to library school or just be stuck in a retail job. So I guess I'll have to study again, and write papers. My noon-time naps in the library will be a consolation. Although I was always a bit scared someone would steal my stuff while I was asleep.

I haven't eaten sugar since Wednesday, and I've been to church twice and I don't even really know why. It sort of feels like spring today, for the first time this year. First day of spring is on March 20th, two weeks away. And then the Easter Bunny comes in April.

Jade

2006-03-01T08:52:00.000-04:00

Today is the first day of Lent. I'm actually going to try to give up sugar, among other things. We'll see how that goes. I'm supposed to go to church at noon, I think I will. I'm getting more anxious about possibly going back to school in September. I'll go to class, I'll even study and do the readings, but please God don't make me write papers. I'm always overwhelmed when I'm faced with having to write something. I agonize over every word, every sentence.

I had a dream about getting a little baby kitty, it was so cute and cuddly and now I want one. Mostly because it would make Ray happy. With my two dogs, a cat in mom's house just wouldn't work out. I want our own home, with only our own things. The apartment wasn't the same because we didn't choose it together, and we knew it was only temporary. A time when we can move out seems so far away.

We may be going to visit my grandmother and father's family in Newfoundland, in May. I haven't seen them in years, and Ray's never met them.

I was always much closer to my Oma, mom's mother. As much as we'd fight, we were abnormally close for a grandmother and grandaughter. I wonder what she'd say now if she was still alive. She always had a lot to say, never held anything back. Often brutally honest, but we loved her. I wonder how she'd get along with Ray. I'd give anything to be able to see them sitting together, talking. I miss her.

Library school

2006-02-12T17:42:00.000-04:00

I've applied to get a Masters of Library and Information Science. If I'm accepted, I'd be taking classes in pretty new building:

It's the management building, so mostly business students go there. I'd get a briefcase and walk around with a trench coat trying to look all professional. My friend will be taking classes across the street so we could study together.

Despite feeling trapped in school all my life, I'm actually looking forward to this, hoping I'll be accepted, fearing I won't be. Maybe because for the first time it was my choice entirely. I know I want a secure job, I know I don't want to spend one whole more year doing what I'm currently doing, so now I think I'm ready. I'm scared it will be a lot of work, I'm terrified that I'm going to procrastinate and slack off like I always did, and then spend tortuous hours writing a paper all night long at the last minute. If that does happen, I'll have nobody to blame but myself, I knew what I was getting myself into. I'll probably expect more of myself. But still, I'm anxious to get started with something that will hopefully lead to a secure, reasonably paying job. I'm trying my best to be realistic. If it doesn't work out, I'm running away to be Cinderella at Disney World.

I hope you're ok now

2006-02-03T22:23:00.000-04:00

I saw a dog get hit by a car and I can't think of anything else I've seen that has been as traumatizing. I've seen horrible things on film, sure, we all have, but in person is different. In person is difficult. It happened so fast but my memory of it is super slow motion, incredibly vivid.

I hope you're ok now little guy, you weren't alone. I felt fear, confusion, loneliness, and pain too. I'm sorry bad things have to happen.

Billy Talent and My Chemical Romance are the same band

2006-01-24T23:07:00.000-04:00

Balance

2006-01-24T21:57:00.000-04:00

...is my friend. The more I bounce this thought around in my head, the more I like it. This is nothing new. Everything didactic I've read preaches the benefits of balance. But I'm stubborn, and I find it hard to take someone's advice. How dare you tell me what's best. I'll figure it out myself. My history has been that of extremes. Alls or nothings. If I can't do it right, I won't do it at all. And by right I mean perfect, so I continually fail, at everything I do. I want to do everything and I have to do it all perfectly. Those are intimidating plans to wake up to every morning.

By the end of the day I'm berating myself for not fulfilling my expectations. I feel defeated and small. I give up. It doesn't always take the whole day to wear me down, I woke up exhausted today.

The worst of it is, when I've thrown my hands up in the air, "fuck it all," I become a spoiled bitch who'll throw a tantrum at the slightest provocation, complete with crying, stomping around, and slamming doors. The most wonderful man stoically waits out my immaturity and somehow wants to see me the next day.

2006-01-19T19:29:00.000-04:00

Tim is my new favorite. He's so eccentric, with his hair. I want to make movies now.

They're so much work, 8 months and $989,000 goes into one three minute scene. I don't have the patience. Johnny has been in almost all of his movies. They must be best friends. And have a love child together, apparently.

I smeared mustard in my eye at lunch. It burned and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital and have my eye amputated.

Everyday I get frustrated and sad that I don't have enough time. There's so much I want to do, but it takes too long, it's hopeless. I give up and waste half the day moping about how flawed time is. And I mope even more when I remind myself the only flawed thing is me and my cynical perception.

2006-01-18T15:00:00.000-04:00

I'm reading this book at the moment.

Part of the novel is Mme. Proust's diary and I'm not sure whether it's fictional or not. Maybe I don't even want to know.

Years ago I found one of my mother's old diaries, and read most of it. Her writing was so sterile, like a grocery list. It was written when she was pregnant. She wrote lots about how sick I made her, and nothing about how happy she was to be having a child.

I also found my father's diary; a thick stack of loose papers. I rifled through it and read bits and pieces and couldn't bring myself to read more. I assume mom has thrown it out since then, and wonder if she's read it. I wish she'd talk about him sometimes.

2006-01-15T22:36:00.000-04:00

Hi. It's me:

That's my mom's winter coat from the '70s. It used to have little Eskimo people and teepees around the bottom, but when I was 16 I ripped them off. Awhile ago I saw some girl with the same coat but hers still had the cute little multi-colored Eskimos, and I was jealous. I think I'm jealous of everyone, and that's sad.

2006-01-13T22:12:00.000-04:00